My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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