This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Randomize
