Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
accomplished twins. life is a go
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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