remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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