I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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