I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
