Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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