If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
