i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
