Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
