that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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