ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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