If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
