Who wears a wallet chain?!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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