Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
