I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
