Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
