i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize