plz talk dirty to me
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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