If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
