He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
