I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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