party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
