but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i think i have two assholes
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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