I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
