Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
