I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
