now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Oh god it's open bar.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
