just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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