I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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