Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
