so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
