So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
