It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
