I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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