he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Randomize
