i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
