You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
