I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
