I am puke
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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