her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Randomize
