its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
