It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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