he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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