Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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