ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
