hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
