Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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