There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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