i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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