Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
