: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
