There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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