with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
