Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
