So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
