Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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