Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom

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(734): View more from Michigan

I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.

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(516): View more from New York

I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...

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(307): View more from Wyoming

i wish you could fill a pinata with booze

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them

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(732): View more from New Jersey

just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer

Fav 25 6898 1602
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(828): View more from North Carolina

after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.

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(813): View more from Florida

I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable

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