Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
