I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
