And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
