Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
