my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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