we made out on top of his cat.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Drake has all the answers
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
