and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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