I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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