Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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