Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize