My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
