just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
